100+ Funny Hitler Jokes

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Here we have a huge list of funny Hitler jokes including other jokes related to Jews and Germans. Never imagined someone could make a joke with one of the most ruthless leaders the world ever had, but indeed these jokes are funny. Take a look

Jokes About Hitler

1. Q: Why did Hitler murder himself? A: He couldn’t pay the Gas Bill.

2. Q: What’s the difference between a cow and the holocaust? A: You can just milk a cow for around 12 years.

3. Q: What did Hitler and Terry Fox have in common? A: Neither could finish a race.

4. Q: What is hitler’s most loved planet? A: Jew-piter.

5. Q: Why does Hitler hate golf? A: Because he always finishes up in the bunker.

6. Q: How did German men pick up Jewish women in the 1940s? A: With a dustpan and brush.

7. Q: Why did the gypsies also end up at the camps? A: Because they stole the jews’ train tickets.

8. Q: Whats’s the difference between 90s Sarajevo and Auschwitz? A: At least in Auschwitz they’ve got gas.

9. Did you hear about the queer German?  Ate Off Hitler!

10. What sweet did Hitler hate more than any other?  Jew Jew Beans……But I heard he enjoyed them roasted!

11. Have you heard about Hitler’s new microwave oven?  It seats 500!

12. What was Adolf’s favourite song?  “If I knew you were coming I’d have baked a kike!”

13. Q: What do you call a pissed off German? A: Sauerkraut.

14. Q: What do you call a Blind German? A: a Not see

15. Q: Why do they bury Germans 20 meters underground? A: Because deep down they are really nice.

16. Q: How do Germans tie their shoes? A: With little knotsies

17. Q: What did the German kid say when he pushed his brother off a cliff? A: “Look, mother, no Hans!”

18. Q: What’s the difference between a German and a shopping trolley? A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.

19. Q: Why do German futbol players do so well in math? A: They know how to use their heads.

20. Q: Why are there so many tree lined streets and leafy lanes in France? A: Germans like to march in the shade.

21. Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.

22. Q: Heard about the new German-Chinese restaurant? A: The food is great, but an hour later, you’re hungry for power.

23. Q: How does every German joke start? A: By looking over your shoulder.

24. Q: What tea do German futbol players drink? A. PenalTea!

25. Q: What’s the difference between German striker Miroslav Klose and a puppy? A: A puppy will eventually stop whining.

26. Q: Have you heard about the new German microwave ? A: It’s got ten seats inside.

27. Q: If your American in the living room what are you in the bathroom? A: European

28. Q: What do you call an German in the World Cup final? A: A Referee.

29. Q: Which is the most biggest rope? A: Europe

30. Q: Why did the Germans start two world wars? A: It was the only way they could get visitors.

31. Q: Why don’t Jewish cannibals like eating Germans? A: They give them gas.

32. Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a German? A: A Beaner-Schnitzel

33. Q: What does a German politican have in common with a German pornstar’s mouth? A: They’re both full of shit.

34. Q: What is the difference between christianity and national socialism? A: In christianity, one guy died for all the others.

35. Q: Who is the most well known Jewish cook? A: Hitler.

36. Q: How do you get rid of aristocratic Germans? A: Von by von.

37. Q: What’s the difference between German socialism and an orgasm? A: With German socialism, you moan for a helluva lot longer.

38. Q: What’s the difference between a German and his girlfriend? A: His girlfriend has a higher sperm count.

39. Q: What did the German clock maker say to the clock that only went “tick tick tick”? A: Vee haf vays to make you tock

40. Q: How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? A: First, invade ze kitchen.

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Funny Hitler Jokes – Adolf Hitler Jokes

41. Q: How many people fron Dresden can you fit in a Mini Cooper? A: About 25000 if you’ve got a shovel.

42. Q: Whats the difference between a smart German and a unicorn? A: Nothing, they’re both fictional characters

43. Q: What’s a german’s favorite number? A: Nein!

44. Q: Did you hear about the winner of the German beauty contest? A: Me neither.

45. Q: Why wasn’t Jesus born in Germany? A: He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.

46. Q: Where do germs go on vacation? A: To Germany.

47. What do you call a homosexual in a wheelchair? Rolaids.

48. What’s the difference between a joke and two dicks? You can’t take a joke.

49. What’s black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

50. How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None… he fell.

51. What’s the best part of sex with a transvestite? Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.

52. What’s the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? Phelps can finish a race.

53. God gave women yeast infections so that they would know what it was like living with an irritating cunt for once.

54. What’s worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother’s pussy? Sucking out thirteen of them and realizing you only put in a dozen.

55. What does a baby look like after a minute in the microwave? I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

56. A baby seal walked into a club…

57. I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, “Please, think of my children!” Kinky bitch.

58. Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

59. Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS? It never gets old.

60. I ran into Hitler. I was surprised to see him and asked him what he was up to? He said “This time I am going to kill 6 million Jews and two clowns!” “Two Clowns? Why are you going to kill two clowns?” “See? Nobody cares about zee Jews.”

61. I would tell a Casey Anthony joke, but my mom would kill me…

62. What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne doesn’t come on a boys face until he’s 13.

63. So I was balls deep in this guy thrusting as hard as I could when I reached around to give him a hand job. Guess what? That fucker had an erection. What. Queer.

64. The worst part about being a pedophile is trying to fit in.

65. What do you call a white guy surrounded by eleven black guys? Football coach.

66. What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of black guys? Warden.

67. What do you call a white woman with a yeast infection? Cracker with cheese.

68. What does a tampon and a white woman have in common? They’re both stuck up cunts.

69. What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile.

70. What’s a pedophile’s favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period.

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Hitler Jokes One Liners

71. A man walks past girl with no arms or legs sitting by a pool. The girl says to the man, “Excuse me sir, I’ve never been fucked and in my condition no one would want to fuck me. Will you please fuck me?” So the man kicks her into the pool and says, “There, you’re fucked.”

72. A guy called into work and says, “Hey, boss! What’s the difference between work and your daughter?” … “I’m not coming into work this morning!”

73. What’s so good about an Ethiopian blow job? You just KNOW she’ll swallow.

74. I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night… I wanted my first time to be special.

75. What does it taste like when you go down on an old lady? Depends…

76. What’s the difference between a priest and acne? Acne waits until puberty to come on a kid’s face.

77. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a poodle? A dead poodle with an 18 inch wide asshole.

78. Why does it take longer for a woman to orgasm than a man? Who cares?

79. What’s the difference between a black guy and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

80. What do you call four klansman pushing a pickup truck? White power.

81. Why did the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong socks today.

82. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries.

83. How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex? Call her on the phone.

84. What’s the first thing a redneck says after losing her virginity? Get off of me Dad, you’re crushing my cigarettes.

85. What do rednecks and KFC have in common? They do chicken right.

86. In Kentucky, what do divorces and tornados have in common? Either way, someone is going to lose a trailer.

87. Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.

88. What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire? Drowns

89. Why doesn’t Mexico enter the Olympics? Because all their best runners, jumpers and swimmers are in America.

90. How did the Grand Canyon get there? Two Jews dropped a quarter down a gopher hole.

91. How do you kill a redneck? Wait ’till he fucks his sister then cut the brakes on his house.

92. How do you kill 100 Ethiopians? Throw a Biscuit off a cliff.

93. What do you do when you see someone having a seizure in a bathtub? Throw in a load of dirty laundry.

94. What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? “I feel like a kid again.”

95. What do you get when cross an Italian with a gorilla? A retarded gorilla.

96. Why could Jesus walk on water? Shit Floats.

97. How do you kill 100 Mexicans? Blow up their van.

98. What do you call five Mexicans on the bottom of a pool? Cinco

99. What’s black and blue and hates sex? A rape victim.

100. What’s the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? They both drip when they’re fucked.

101. What did the little black boy say when he got diarrhea? I’m melting!

102. What do you call a fat Chinese person? A chunk.

103. What do you get wne you cross a black man and a Mexican. A person who’s too lazy to steal.

104. What was good about the million man march? Only three people missed work.

105. What do you do when your woman’s watch breaks? Nothing there’s a clock on the stove.

106. What did Adolf Hitler get his neice for her birthday? An easy bake oven.

107. What’s the difference between St. Patrick’s Day and Martin Luther King Day? On St. Patrick’s Day, everyone wants to be Irish.

108. What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike? Ethiopian

109. Why don’t Puerto Ricans have check books? Because it’s impossible to sign your name that small with spray paint.

110. How do you know when a redneck has her period? She’s only wearing one sock.

111. What do you call an Ethiopian with buck teeth? A rake.

112. Why aren’t there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? They won’t work in the future either.

113. What do gay guys call an upside down chair? A table for four.

114. What’s the useless skin around a vagina called? The woman.


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