Concerning random things to say to anyone around you, Robin Williams said “You are only given a little spark of madness, you mustn’t lose it.”
Life is run by sane people or people who claim sanity by virtue of walking on two legs and living a script. Madness is generally frowned at and condemned. But in reality, if you have any spark of madness, cherish it, and, from time to time, do random things, say random things, go to random and may your sanity be the winner.
Random Things to Say to Anyone
1. After else is tea, then you!
2. Hey, the sun is shining, can you believe it.
3. Today is Sunday which means tomorrow is Monday and Yesterday was Saturday.
4. When I am hungry, I eat food.
4. I had lunch with George Washington last night.
5. That was the president on the phone.
6. I have a name and a surname.
7. Look at me. Thank you.
8. Today is a great day. It is St. Somebody’s day but you don’t know whose it is. Neither do I.
9. I have a first name and a surname.
10. Close your eyes for a second. Open them. Good.
11. The next thing I am going to say is true. The last thing I said is false.
12. I am so tired I need to be arrested. I just need the rest.
13. I love being naked.
14. My hair hurts.
15. It is official, I am in love with my legs.
16. I was born as a baby.
17. It is easier to wake me up when I am asleep than when I am pretending to sleep.
18. My favorite part of dancing is stepping on my partner’s feet.
19. I will take you to the movies only if you will wait for me outside.
20. I prefer coke over coca-cola.
21. I don’t like cats more than I don’t like dogs.
22. My brain is bruised.
23. If you are from Miami, behave like a fish.
24. I was old enough when I began to drink.
25. Sometimes I just feel like sleeping in my sleep.
26. I am dreaming, don’t wake me up.
27. Do you have a spare time I can use?
28. I met a vampire today. Look at the mirror.
29. I was a baby when I was born.
30. Did you know fingers were created before fork?
31. If you stand in the middle of the road, that would be very dangerous.
32. It is called handshake because you actually shake hands.
33. I speak God English.
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34. I don’t even know my name, I have to check Facebook.
35. Why call me on the phone when you can just call my name.
36. Hello, do you know someone somewhere is making love right now?
37. Excuse me, may I have your car key?
38. Guess what, I am broke.
39. Shoes have sizes; I am wearing your size.
40. The cops love robbers; it is shoot at first sight.
41. The baseball competition is called world series even though it only has American participants because they can afford to call it that.
42. I am alive.
43. I eat whenever I am thirsty.
44. It is only psychos who bother including a ‘p’ in the spelling of psycho.
45. Can I set fire on your fingers? It is my birthday and I don’t have candles.
46. Just keep walking. I am walking behind you and will kick your backside if you stop working.
47. You can’t talk to me until you get my billing from my secretary. I charge per hour.
48. Wedding rings are worn on the left hand because the partners are expected to leave.
49. If a month lasts for one day, men will be paid salaries every day and women will… never mind.
50. I feel like blowing something.
51. I can’t find my remote control. That thing can’t be controlled.
52. Hey go pinch that man’s butt and get a dollar from me.
53. If you ask for my number, you can have it; it’s 911.
54. When I bleed blood comes out.
55. The 31st day of February is May first.
Funny Random Things To Say
56. In a crowded elevator, say: “You guys might be wondering why I called this meeting.”
57. In a crowd, shout John and see who answers.
58. Pretend to pass out and when someone wakes you up, say, “Why did you interrupt my sleep?”
59. Go into a ball, point to an employee and say ‘Can I buy that mannequin?’
60. Take a desk to an elevator and when someone tries to get in ask “Do you have an appointment?”
61. Go into a bar and ask “Has anyone seen my uncle?”
62. When food is set, say “Let us pray” and pray for half an hour.
63. Stop a taxi and when he asks for your destination say “Jamaica”.
64. Go to an apple shop with an orange and ask if they can upgrade the orange to an apple.
65. Write “sorry for the damage” and stick it on some random car.
66. Go to a restaurant and ask for sad food then yell “sad people have to eat!’.
67. Dress like a hen, go into MacDonald’s and shout “Stop eating my babies!”
68. When filling a form and they ask for your address, say “1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC.
69. Buy a doughnut and complain about the hole in it.
70. Call someone on the phone and tell them you can’t talk right now.
71. Stop a taxi, point at a parked car and tell him to follow that car.
72. Take a piece of apple to an Apple shop and ask for the latest Apple.
73. Ask your guest if you could serve them tea, if they say yes, say “You have to wear a T-shirt to have my tea.
74. Go in the midst of people, point to the sky and say “Look at that dead bird up there” and see how many people look up.
75. Walk to a random stranger and say, “You are under arrest for wandering.”
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76. Walk to a stranger, ask for the direction to a certain place then begin to argue with the fellow about the direction.
77. Go to a pawn shop and ask the shopkeeper how much they can offer for you.
78. Go to the ATM, stand before it and demand for your money.
79. Wake your partner up, apologize for it and ask them to go back to sleep.
80. When you enter a room, smile at the hosts and say “Piss be unto you.”
More Random Things to Say
81. I have read three whole books in my life time. I am yet to finish the third one.
82. I prefer ice cream to screaming.
83. When you kiss my armpit, it tickles me.
84. When is national steak day?
85. I hate eating dead animals.
86. You make me feel like I wanna poo.
87. This weekend is the best night ever.
88. I need your support like sagging breasts.
89. Lies are nothing but inferior truths.
90. A boy is someone who is not a girl.
91. She is laying an egg.
92. I was born exactly nine months after my mom’s birthday, is there something I should know?
93. Yes, this is my neighborhood, I own it.
94. Did you know that Irish people sweat whiskey?
95. I am afraid of dark afternoons.
96. Is the sun fatherless, or is the sun someone’s son?
97. When I grow up I will like to become a human being.
98. Here’s my son, and his dog, coming. My son is the one on the right.
99. I can see you right now.
100. Neymar earns 55 pounds per minute. Don’t try to compare his hourly earning with your monthly wage to avoid heart failure.
Do these make sense? Not in the sense most people see sense, but, sometimes, not making sense at all is all it takes to make sense. This life is hard and a little madness doesn’t hurt.