Quotes can be hilarious, at least the adult animated series “Archer” makes it so. The American adult animated spy sit-com Archer, was created by Adam Reed for the FX network. The main characters of the series are  Sterling Archer and Malory Archer. The self-proclaimed ‘”world’s greatest secret agent” Sterling Malory, works under his mother, Malory, the head of fictional spy agency, ISIS.

The series was premiered on September 17, 2009, with the first episode taking place in 1947. FX renewed the series for an eighth, ninth, and tenth season on June 21, 2016, with each consisting of eight episodes.

If you are an Archer fan, here are 30 Best Archer Quotes We All Love From Sterling and Malory.

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Sterling Archer Quotes

Archer quotes

1.  “I’m not saying I invented the turtleneck, but I was the first person to realise its potential as a tactical garment. The tactical turtleneck! The… tactleneck.”

2. “I bought a T-Shirt once that said ‘Female Body Inspector’.”

3. “For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.”

4. “Yeah, senior year I was voted “Class Flirt.”

5. “Because I told you to buy lemon curd, Woodhouse. Now what am I going to spread on my toast? Your tears?”

6. “Those cannot be your only shoes. What am I saying? It’s Russia. People probably come from miles around just to get their picture taken in those.”

7. “Did you not?”

8.  “I’m scared if I stop all at once, the cumulative hangover will literally kill me.”

9. “Sorry, that’s just a, uh, sympathy boner.”

10. “Gee, I don’t know. Maybe deep down I’m afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it’s the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.”

Archer quotes

11. “Call girl! She was a…” Archer: “No Cyril, when they’re dead, they’re just hookers!”

12. “I can’t hear you over the sound of my giant, throbbing erection!”

13. “Er, phrasing.”

14. “Are you kidding? Dude. Bros before apparent threats to national security.”

15. “Danger zone!”

16. “I can’t hear you over the deafening sound of my own awesomeness.”

17. “You killed a black astronaut, Cyril! That’s like killing a unicorn!”

Malory Archer Quotes

Archer quotes


18. “You’re not planning to blindfold me and hide me in a bomb shelter with limited oxygen and send my family cryptic notes about how to find me in a race against time for my life?”

19. “Who are you, collective pseudonym Carolyn Keene?”

20. “You don’t want to drive all the way out there, only to hear him say, “On second thought, to make this happen, we’re going to need a finger.”

21. “Who would go through all that trouble?”

22. “Yes, and everyone deserves a trophy just for showing up, and everyone’s Kickstarter has merit. Ugh.”

23. “So Gillette lands safely – I’m sure there’s a joke in there about fairy dust – and then what happens?”

24. “You do realize this is a CIA agency?”

25. “Lana Kane, you have known me for a long, long time. When have I ever been honest with Sterling?”

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26. “Mmhmm. Speak any German?”

27. “Now who wants a widdle ice chip! No? I suppose you’d prefer a nice big bottle of that liquid butter fat.”

28. “Oh, you’d be surprised!”

29. “If I wanted to hear you people scream, I’d have you flown to a CIA black site in Morocco and listen to your torture session on speakerphone!”

30. “I need some more ice. Oh, and a small bowl, a mirror, a needle and thread, and a straight razor.”

Archer quotes

31. “Tell me what’s going on or I will literally emasculate you!”

32. “Hmmm. Bronze Star with two Oak Leaves and V Device, Legion of Merit, Croix de Guerre with Palm, Silver Star with two Oak Leaves, Distinguished Service Cross with one Oak Leaf and V Device, three Purple Hearts. It goes on, Mr. Archer.”

33. “Nobody has ever said, “To make this happen, you’re going to need a finger.”

34. “Well, so, um, well, you’re the, um singer here.”

35. “As dirty as if it was made of dirt and then got dropped in some different dirt and then Pigpen came along and kicked it around with his dirty shoes.”

We hope you enjoyed our compilation of  30 best Archer Quotes we all love from Sterling and Malory. Check out the following for more quotes. Enjoy!

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