How to know you love someone boils down to how you behave around the person, what you think of him or her, and how you feel about them. People have had reasons to dislike people: from sexuality to race-related factors, having different religions and political ideologies. But as much as one might be prone to think there’s so much hate in the world, love has thrived and almost everyone has experienced some measure of it. Loving a sibling, parent, or friend is often uncomplicated and platonic. You just love them and don’t really bother to question why you are fond of them; this is not the case with romantic attraction.
When you are romantically attracted to someone, you can be fond of him or her the same way you are fond of a platonic friend, yet find yourself desiring an amorous encounter with the person. If you are someone who doesn’t like rushing in and out of anything, you would be compelled to figure out if your feelings are genuine or you are just being lustful and infatuated. Time often exposes the latter as the intense admiration you have for the person is bound to be short-lived and would gradually disappear. You might find yourself wondering what you found so attractive about the person within a few months. Lust is pretty much straightforward, you strongly desire physical intimacy with the person. Outside that, you don’t really know what you feel about the person.
So, how to know you love someone begins with eliminating lust and infatuation. The following are also telltale signs to look out for.
10 Ways to Know You Love Someone
Love manifests in various ways and is known to evolve. A platonic friendship can morph into a romantic attraction as much as love can also begin with an instant attraction. Yeah, the idea of falling in love, at first sight, isn’t crap. A study published by The Journal of Neuroscience concluded that judgments about romantic relationships are formed within seconds of seeing someone considered as a potential partner. In a nutshell, the various forms in which love manifests make it a complex feeling to discern. However, there are underlying factors that distinguish it from other feelings and those are what you should look out for.
1. You Enjoy Being Around Them and There Are No Strings Attached to That
Of course, a wholesome relationship thrives on requited love. When you are in a relationship and the love is one-sided, then there are questions to ask and answers to find. But then, real love, especially when you are just realizing the feeling, does not expect anything in return, except hope for the feelings to be mutual. Even when it doesn’t seem the person would ever reciprocate the feelings you have for him/her, you are not worked up about it; you are patient and ready to wait it out. All that matters to you is the fact that you get to spend time with the person and enjoy doing this.
More so, when you consider the possibility that the person involved might never become your romantic partner, it doesn’t make you angry or malicious towards them. You still want to be part of his or her life and genuinely want them to be happy. Essentially, there are no strings attached to the way you feel about the person, you are authentically in love with them and not in love with them based on how much they are also fond of you or willing to try loving you.
2. You Admire Practically Everything About Them, Even The Things People Find Offensive About The Person Aren’t a Big Deal
This is where the “love is blind” sentiment emanated from. If you truly can’t see any unpleasant attribute about the person, then you are probably infatuated with them and have created a version of the person in your head. Love, in its purest form, is really not blind. It only means that the qualities people might find off-putting about the person do not put you off. You feel like you know the best things about them and you are not deliberately ignorant about their nasty attributes.
Loving someone means knowing who they are and being at peace with it. You like every good thing about them and don’t despise them for the bad ones. From their looks to the way they relate with people, the way they think, what they do, what they believe in, and how successful they are; you are comfortable with it all. In essence, it goes beyond feeling physically attracted to them; you can really proclaim you like everything about the person.
3. You Always Find Yourself Thinking About Them And Want to Tell Them Everything
How to know you love someone is not really that difficult if you answer this question: Would you describe him or her as one of your favorite people in the world? Loving someone means the person is special to you. So special you find yourself always looking forward to the next time you would get to see them and excited when you think of the moments you have shared with them. When someone is always on your mind, and you are physically attracted to them, it’s most likely a sign that you love them.
It doesn’t have to be serious thoughts, if they randomly invade your mind when you go about your daily activities; or you suddenly feel like checking up on them, then you might be in love. Pay attention to these thoughts, if they remind you of little things about the person, like their favorite color, favorite snack, and not just your desire to achieve physical intimacy with them, then your heart truly beats for them. If you also tell them a lot of things about you, it’s a sign as well.
4. You Want Them to Be Happy and Instantly Feel Cheerful When They Are Around
Hardly can anything make you feel better during difficult times than having your loved ones around you. This applies to romantic relationships, if you are having a bad day, nobody has a better chance at cheering you up than your romantic partner. On this premise, you can judge how you feel about the person. Do you instantly feel delighted when you are depressed and run into them?
According to a research article published by a group of academics in medicine and psychology, seeing pictures of a romantic partner reduces pain. What this means is that seeing someone you love can make you instantly feel better and provide some sort of relief when you are troubled.
Perhaps, this has something to do with the fact that you also want someone you love to be happy. You don’t want them to worry too much about you so you unconsciously brighten up for them. If you seem to naturally want the best for someone and would go out of your way to make them happy without expecting anything in return, it could be a sign of true love.
5. You Trust and Feel Safe Around Them
It is simply impossible to fall and remain in love with someone if you don’t trust the person. Because of this, it has widely been proclaimed that trust is the foundation upon which authentic love is built. If you don’t trust a person, there is no way you can have a stable relationship with him or her. It is only true the ability to trust someone that you can open up to them and let love have its way.
It takes a lot to win the trust of someone that has suffered a heartbreak but it can be earned through consistent honesty backed with positive actions. So, if you find yourself genuinely striving to win someone’s trust, it’s a sign you love them.
Moreso, if you have lived through a traumatic and disappointing relationship, it is only natural that you have erected walls to protect your heart from pain. However, if you notice that you have lowered your guards around someone and feel safe around them, then it’s a sign your heart is tender for them.
6. You Pay Attention to The Person and Often Include Him or Her In Your Plans for The Future
How to know you love someone can also be deduced from how you think and talk about your future with them. For someone you love and hope to be a part of your life in the long run, you would be inclined to consciously or unconsciously factor them in while making your personal plans for the future. Also, you talk to the person about what you hope for in the future in an inclusive language, which means you are actively engaging and lobbying them to be a part of that future. Why would you do that if you are not fond of the person?
Besides talking to the person about your plan, you are also interested in theirs and virtually everything about them. When you love someone, you become committed to learning more about them and it makes you pay attention to what they do, things they like, what makes them angry, and what have you. In all, they become the focus of your attention and you make adjustments to accommodate them in your life.
7. You Are Quite Jealous of Other People In The Person’s Life and Crave Their Attention
Nothing screams that you are in love with someone than the seemingly insatiable desire to be a part of what goes on in their lives. If you find yourself craving the attention of someone for no substance reasons apart from the fact that you enjoy spending time with them, then you may be in love with the person. It is normal for this desire to spend more time with the person to get you to start frequenting the gym or taking up activities the person enjoys without having any interest in them.
Likewise, it is natural for you to get jealous when you see them talking to other people or having fun without you. It only becomes a problem when you are obsessed with him or her and your feelings degenerate to a feeling of betrayal, anger, or resentment towards the person for having other people in his or her life. This suggests something is wrong with you and you should talk to a psychotherapist.
8. You Want Them to Meet The Important People In Your Life
It is not hard to see why people might want to pocket their romantic partners from members of their family. There is always the fear that he or she might not get along with your family or that your family might become too judgy and not approve of your choice of a partner. Regardless, Pocketing shouldn’t constitute any significant problem for a couple, unless the reason behind it has not been discussed and a mutual understanding reached.
Showing off your partner to your friends and family is one of the ways to show him or her that you are genuinely serious about them. As such, how to know you love someone can also be adjudged by how willing you are to have them meet people who are important to you. It is a sign that you want to be emotionally closer to them and to have them involved in all aspects of your life. It is only something that you consider to be special and valuable that you would be excited to show off to people, isn’t it?
9. You Are Nervous of Making a Mess and Strives to Become a Better Person
Love often sparks a new change in people, they become willing to try new things and are generally excited about getting to talk or be with the person they admire. As much as developing love makes one happy, it also leaves you slightly nervous. You will find that you are quite anxious about what would become of your feelings, if you would make a mess of the situation, and whatnot.
So, if you are excited about someone and at the same time nervous because you want everything to go right between you and the person, then you shouldn’t be told that you are possibly in love. Another factor that suggests you are in love with someone is how much influence they have in your life. When you are in love, you are compelled to get your acts together so that nothing about you would constitute a problem that would make the person involved unwilling to reciprocate your love. You find yourself striving to be a better person.
10. You Want to Be Physically Intimate With The Person
If you have a long-time friend and you have come to realize lately that you notice when they touch you, or that you think about kissing and cuddling with them; congratulations! You are in love. How to know you love someone includes the desire to be physically intimate with him or her and it embodies anything from hugging to kissing, cuddling, holding hand, and coitus. Physical intimacy is a natural aspect of human sexuality and for a couple, the absence or lack of it can create a feeling of loneliness and dissatisfaction in a relationship.
While there is more to what the term connotes, in the context of this piece, it simply means you want to touch and kiss the person. As hinted earlier, this desire must be scrutinized to eradicate the possibility of mistaking lust for love. If you love the person, you still desire them sexually but there is no sense of urgency to it. And, if the sexual desire seems unattainable, you still want to hang around with the person as much their happiness is a priority for you.
What to Do After Realizing You Love Someone
How to know you love someone, based on the foregoing, shouldn’t be a problem for anyone. But with that out of the way, you still have to confront your feelings. If the person is single, it’s generally easier to work things out, the only thing that would be standing in your way is if the person doesn’t find you attractive.
However, for someone married or in a committed relationship, you may have no option but to learn how to stop loving them. Assuming the coast is clear for you, then you should start working on wooing and seducing the person. The following should guide you through it.
Tell Them How You Feel and Show Them What They Mean to You
The first hurdle to scale is making your feelings known to the person. Even if you are already close with him or her, and have hinted at your feelings, you still have to talk to the person and communicate in clear terms how you feel and what you want. You don’t have to be all over the person or pressurize them into responding to what you have said.
Once you have clearly expressed yourself, give them all the time they need to learn about you and get comfortable around you. Remember, real love is built on trust and it is not something that comes easily. You have to win their trust and get them to see it’s okay to be open and vulnerable with you. To achieve this, you have to back your words with actions; be sincere and honest with them.
Be Chivalrous But Not All-over Him or Her
Being nice to people has always been an easy way to get in their good books. As much as more and more woman wants to be treated as an equal partner, it doesn’t mean they wouldn’t appreciate when you are courteous and gallant towards them. So open the doors for her and offer your coat when she’s cold. These are small gestures that would make her think of you as a gentleman and a thoughtful person, attributes that every woman wants in her man.
This is not only for men. For a woman trying to gain the attention of a man, the chivalrous rule also applies. Be nice and respectful. Also, make courageous moves like looking him directly in the eyes while you ask about his day or what he’s been up to. However, none of these should be excessively done to avoid coming across as desperate or all-over the person’s business.
Support The Person Anytime It’s Needed and Don’t Be Judgemental
People need people to encourage and support them through life. And the easiest way to become someone’s favorite person is through being helpful to them. Help the person get by when they are stuck emotionally or in any other way. Listen to their problems, be there when they need a shoulder to lean on, and give them space if it’s what they need.
For a lot of people, there is nothing more romantic than someone supportive of their career goals, dreams, and aspirations. It is the ultimate way of showing that you are committed to helping them live a meaningful life. While at that, make them see that your love for them is unconditional, acknowledge their shortcomings, but don’t be overly critical about it.
Be Cheerful, Keep Things Exciting, and Surprise The Person intermittently
It is hard to think of anyone who wouldn’t become fond of you when you surprise them from time to time with the things they like. As you are getting to know the person, learn about their likes and dislikes. Apart from the fact that the person would appreciate that you take a keen interest in things about them, you will find the information useful when you want to surprise and make them feel special.
Doing things for the person when they are not expecting it makes an exciting experience. Add that to a cheerful personality and you would be a fun person he or she would always want to spend time with.
Share Your Secrets and Talk About Your Shortcomings
This goes a long way in helping you earn the trust of the person. When you share a secret or talk about your failures and mistakes, you are inadvertently letting him or her know that it is okay to be imperfect. As such, the person would likely become vulnerable and comfortable around you. They would see you as someone they can trust and equally open up to you. Ultimately, a solid bond will form between you and him/her.