Looking for some funny lame jokes? These jokes might sound lame just like the title signifies, but believe me, they will definitely crack you up, don’t forget to contribute your own jokes in the comment section below.

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Funny Lame Jokes – Lame Funny Jokes

1. Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night… One was assaulted.

2. A termite walks into a bar room and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

3. “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.” “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”

4. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

5. Why are proctologists so gloomy? They always have the end in sight.

6. What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin’ Catholic

7. What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.

8. What do you call spending the afternoon with a cranky rabbit? A bad hare day.

9. What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.

10. What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him out for a drag.

11. Why can’t a chicken coop have more than 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.

12. Famous last words of a mafia hitman: “Who put the violin in the violin case?”

13. How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?

14. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.

15. What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung.

16. Have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower? That’s because he hides well.

17. Where do kings keep their armies? In their sleevies.

18. Why don’t anteaters get sick? Because they’re full of anty-bodies.

19. What do you call a pop star who makes honey?Bee-yonce!

20. What did the British cereal say?Cheerio!

21. Why didn’t the guy mow his yard?Cause he only had 2 feet!

22. Why did the chicken fall in the well?He couldn’t see that well.

23. How do you catch a squirrel?You climb up a tree and act like a nut!

24. Why was the stadium so cold?Because there were a lot of fans.

25. How did Sir Cumference get so round?Too much pi!!

26. Why are horses the best farm animals at dancing?Because they know how to neigh-neigh!

27. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

28. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?A stick.

29. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?You search for fresh prints!

30. What kind of bagel can fly?A plain bagel.

31. How do you cut the sea in half?With a sea saw.

32. “This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.”

33. What do a base ball team and a pancake have in common?They both need a good batter.

34. What is the slipperiest country in the world?Greece!

35. Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.

36. Why do cemeteries have walls?Because people are dying to get in!

37. A neutron walks into a bar and asks “how much for a drink?” The bartender says, “for you? No charge”

38. What kind of PC can sing really great?A Dell

39. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?A thesaurus.

40. What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!

41. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?Because he was a little shellfish.

42. What do you call a broken angle?A rektangle!

43. What did the hat say to the tie?You hang here, I’ll go on a head!

44. Wanna hear a long joke? JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE

45. Why can’t pirates finish the alphabet? because they got lost at C!

46. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.

47. Why doesn’t Pacman use Twitter?He doesn’t like being followed.

48. Why are frogs so happy?They eat whatever bugs them!

49. what do you call an apple that falls on your head?a fruit punch

50. 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t Happy.

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lame jokes 2

Really Lame Jokes – Lame But Funny Jokes – Best Lame Jokes

51. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

52. Where do animals go when their tails fall off? The retail store.

53. I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.

54. Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back.Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

55. Need an ark? I Noah guy.

56. Doctor Doctor! I’ve broken my arms in several places!Doctor: Well don’t go to those places anymore!

57. What do you call a lost wolf?A where-wolf!

58. What do you call it when a banana eats another banana?Canabananalism

59. How does a train eat?It goes “chew chew!”

60. Why can’t a bike stand up on it’s own?Because it’s two tired.

61. How did Harry potter get down the hill?He walked… JK Rowling

62. What do you call an alligator that reads maps?A navigator.

63. I was going to tell a dubstep joke, but I dropped it.

64. What do you call a shoe made from a banana?A slipper.

65. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

66. Do you want to hear a long joke?jooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeee

67. What do you call a car that everyone can buy?Afford

68. What did one wall say to the other?Meet you at the corner.

69. What does a clock do when it’s hungry?It goes back four seconds.

70. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?Pumpkin Pi

71. What did Barack Obama say to Michelle when he proposed?I don’t wanna be Obama self.

72. I had a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.

73. What do you call cheese that hasn’t been shredded yet? Ungrateful

74. What is a rock group with four members that don’t sing?Mount Rushmore!

75. Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?It said concentrate.

76. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

77. I cut my finger chopping cheese, but honestly I think I may have grater problems.

78. Why do people carry umbrellas?Because umbrellas can’t walk.

79. hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

80. What is the definition of a good farmer?A man outstanding in his field!

81. Today a man asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

82. Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.

83. What’s brown and sticky?A stick.

84. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

85. What do you call a bear with no teeth?A gummy bear.

86. I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

87. My water faucet fell out the window.Yeah it hit the ground running.

88. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?Because they’re always a little short.

89. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school!? It’s okay. He woke up.

90. How did the flashlight feel when his batteries died? He was delighted!

Funny Jokes 3

91. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.

92. I would like to give a shout out to all the sidewalks for keeping me off the streets!

93. Why do seagulls live by the sea?Because if they lived by the bay they’d be bagels!

94. Why is peter pan always flying?Because he neverlands!

95. Why did the hipster fall in the lake?He went ice skating before it was cool.

96. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?Every morning you rise and shine.

97. Why did Timmy hate eating clocks?It was really time consuming.

98. The past, the present, and the future walked into a diner. It was tense.

99. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

100. What do you call birds that stick together?Velcrows!

101. Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?He got tired of the hole thing!

102. What did the science teacher climb?A chemis-tree!

103. My physics teacher told me that i have potentialso he threw me off the roof

104. Why do shoemakers go to heaven? Because they have good soles.

105. Why can’t you trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

106. What did one plate say to the other?Lunch is on me.

107. I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

108. What did one eye say to the other?Between you and me something smells.

109. What did the skunk say when the wind changed?It all comes back to me now.

110. What did the ground say to the dinosaur?You made a big impression on me!

111. What do you measure snakes in?Inches because they have no feet!

112. What do you call a watch on a belt?A waist of time!

113. What tea do footballers drink?Penalty!

114. What kinds of mistakes are common in a blood bank?Type-Os

115. Why was the ant so confused?Because all of his uncles were ants.

116. what do you get when a elephant walks through your garden?squash

117. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?A carrot.

118. Which side of a duck has more feathers?The outside.

119. Why was Cinderella kicked off the softball team Because she kept running from the ball.

120. What did the vegetables say at the party? Lettuce turnip the beet!

121. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?He didn’t have the guts.

122. What do you call a pig with three eyes?A piiig!

123. What did 0 say to 8?Nice belt!

124. Can February March? No, but April May.

125. My girlfriend didn’t believe me when I said I could build a car out of spaghetti.You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!

126. How do you make an egg roll?You push it.

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Lame Knock Knock Jokes

127. Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Dismay who?
Dismay be a joke, but it doesn’t make me laugh!

128. Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Harry who?
Harry up and open the door!

129. Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Someone who?
Someone who would like you to stop asking them stupid questions and for heaven’s sake, let them in.

130. knock knock?
who’s there?
banana who?

131. knock knock?
who’s there?
orange who?
orange you glad I didn’t say banana again!

132. Knock knock
Who’s there?
Sultan who?
Sultan pepper!

133. Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Wooden who?
Wooden you like to know!

134. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Bear who?
Bear bum!

135. Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!

136. Knock knock
Who’s there
Phillip who?
Phillip the gas!

137. Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Doctor who?
That’s right – Doctor Who from Channel 2!

138. knock knock?
who’s there?
banana who?

139. knock knock?
who’s there?
banana who?

140. Knock knock
Who’s there?
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grandma’s gone!

141. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ken who?
Ken I come in?

142. Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Iva who?
Iva got a sore hand from knocking on the door!

143. Knock knock
Who’s there?
Boo who?
Oh, stop crying!

144. Knock knock
Who’s there?
Police who
Police come in!

145. Knock knock
Who’s there?
Eddy who?
Eddy-body home? I got a bad cold!

146. knock knock
who’s there?
tired who
tired of you asking me all these questions!

147. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Felix who?
Felix my ice-cream again, I’ll kill him!

148. Knock knock
Who’s there?
Gran who?

149. Knock knock
Who’s there?
Rosie who?
Rosie cheeks!

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